How Do I Know When My Mum or Dad Needs Help at Home?

It isn’t always obvious when an older parent needs a little extra help.

Often, there isn’t one big event that makes a family realise something needs to change. Instead, it’s a collection of small things: the fridge seems emptier than usual, medication is being forgotten, the house isn’t quite as tidy, or Mum or Dad simply doesn’t seem as confident as they once were.

For many families, the difficult question is:  “when is it time to arrange some help?”

The good news is that needing some support doesn’t automatically mean leaving home. A little help at the right time can often make it easier for someone to continue living safely and independently in the place they know and love.

Signs that someone may be struggling at home

Every person is different, but there are some changes worth looking out for.

You might notice:

• meals being skipped or food going out of date
• difficulty keeping on top of washing, cleaning or laundry
• missed medication
• changes in personal hygiene or appearance
• increased forgetfulness or confusion
• reduced confidence walking or moving around the house
• unopened post or household tasks beginning to build up
• loneliness or becoming more socially isolated
• increasing reliance on family members
• family carers becoming tired or struggling to manage everything themselves.

One of these signs on its own doesn’t necessarily mean somebody needs care. But several small changes together can be a useful indication that it’s time to have a conversation.

Start with what they can still do

When families begin considering care, it’s very easy to concentrate on everything their relative is finding difficult.

We prefer to start somewhere else.

What can they still do, what matters to them, and what would help them continue doing it?

Good home care isn’t about taking over someone’s life. It should support independence.

For one person that might mean a carer visiting in the morning to help them get washed and dressed. Someone else may simply need help preparing an evening meal, doing some shopping or keeping on top of the house.

Another person may need several visits each day, overnight support or eventually live-in care.

Care should fit around the individual rather than expecting the individual to fit around the care.

“But Mum says she doesn’t need any help”

This is an incredibly common situation. Someone who has been independent throughout their life may understandably dislike the idea of suddenly “having carers”.

Try changing the conversation. Instead of:

“You can’t manage anymore.”

the conversation might be:

“Would it make life easier if someone helped with the jobs you don’t enjoy so you could concentrate on the things you do?”

Starting with a small amount of support can also feel far less daunting. An hour of help with lunch, shopping, housework or companionship may be a much easier first step than discussing substantial care. Over time, support can change as someone’s needs change.

Home care doesn’t have to mean personal care

There is sometimes an assumption that home care only means helping someone wash, dress or use the bathroom. Personal care is certainly an important part of what we do, but support at home can include much more. It might involve preparing meals, shopping, medication support, laundry, changing bedding, light housework, companionship, accompanying someone to appointments or simply making sure somebody has had a proper meal and a friendly conversation that day.

Sometimes those seemingly small things make the biggest difference.

Could care at home prevent a move into residential care?

For some people, yes. There are now many different levels of support that can be provided in someone’s own home, ranging from occasional visits through to several visits each day, overnight care and live-in care.

Residential care will still be the appropriate choice for some people and circumstances.

But families shouldn’t assume that moving into a care home is automatically the next step when an older relative begins to need support.

Understanding the alternatives first can make the decision much easier.

When should we start looking for care?

Ideally, before a crisis. Families often contact care providers following a fall, hospital admission or sudden deterioration. At that point, decisions sometimes have to be made very quickly. Starting the conversation earlier gives everyone more time.

It allows your relative to be involved in choosing their care, meeting the people who may support them and gradually becoming comfortable with having help at home.

What happens if we’re not sure how much care is needed?

You don’t need to work that out before speaking to us. A care assessment is partly about understanding what someone needs help with, what they can continue doing independently and what is important to them. At Aceso Home Care, we can sit down with you and your family, talk through the situation and discuss what support might be appropriate. Sometimes the answer isn’t a large package of care. It may simply be a little help at the right times.

Local care from people who live and work in your community

Aceso Home Care is an independent, family-run home care provider supporting families across Cheshire East and the Staffordshire Moorlands.

We’re regulated by the Care Quality Commission and rated Good overall, with Outstanding in Caring. Most importantly, we believe care should still feel personal.

If you’re starting to wonder whether your mum, dad, partner or another relative might benefit from some help at home, you don’t need to have all the answers before contacting us. Sometimes the best place to start is simply a conversation.

Talk to Aceso Home Care about arranging a free care assessment in Cheshire East or Staffordshire Moorlands.